If you’ve been following along, you may remember a previous post about my favorite neighborhood character, Poncho Jesus. In that post, it was noted that he may very well be a time traveler from the very distant past.
A new theory has been presented regarding the vague history of our dear friend PJ, and that theory suggests that it is possible that he may actually be Rasputin. Rasputin was mentioned on a particular episode of the always educational Ancient Aliens, and they went into the topic of his murder in 1916. He was apparently extremely hard to kill, living through cyanide poisoning, gunshot wounds, a severe beating, and only died of hypothermia or drowning (depending on the source) after being tied up and tossed into an icy river. It has even been said that when his body was found, it appeared that he had tried to undo the bindings on his wrists.
The new theory involves either a little bit of mysticism or a little bit of time travel, but WHAT IF the body they pulled from the river was just a clever body double, and due to his mystic powers, Rasputin has survived all these years, and is now alive and well living in Englewood, CO? What if he doesn’t speak to people because his Russian accent will give him away, and he’s afraid that the ghosts of Russia past will be back to haunt him? I can definitely see a resemblance between Rasputin and Poncho Jesus. They both have crazy, burly beards, both partake of a little bit of ritual (Rasputin was known as The Mad Monk, after all,) and both are known to enjoy hitting the bottle.
After doing some research, I will have to conclude that The Rasputin Theory is plausible.
Stay with me, Portable Chickenites, for someday we shall discover the truth about Poncho Jesus.