TJesusworeaponchohere is a man in my neighborhood, with wild, grizzly hair and a beard that follows suit. When I spotted him wandering around in a yellow rain slicker, talking to himself one day several years ago, I dubbed him Poncho Jesus.

His mythos has grown over the years; quiet conversations with friends, coworkers, and other neighbors, all spreading the word of Poncho Jesus, sharing stories about the oddities we’d observed. I feel like I have a unique opportunity to watch him, since I work and live in the immediate area.

At first, I thought he must be crazypants. After all, he seems to mostly wander around talking to himself, never bestowing a nod or wave, never making eye contact at all.

However, the latest theory surrounding Poncho Jesus’ history is that Poncho Jesus is a mistaken time traveler from the distant past.

The incident that made us change our tack regarding the Poncho Jesus Story was when a coworker spotted him in his yard playing with a tennis ball. The coworker, I’ll call him M, is new, and isn’t familiar with all of the things we’ve seen PJ do. When he came back to the shop, he says to us, “Hey! I think I just saw that weird guy you guys talk about. He was playing with a ball in his front yard, and seemed pretty fascinated by it!”

Well, now it all makes sense!

All of the times we’ve seen him wandering around with a big stick, stopping along the street to yell at rocks or ant hills, giving the side eye to passing cars! All of the times when he took his snow shovel over to a random patch of useless sidewalk to shovel snow! The strange ritual he performed in the cul-de-sac, “dancing” around while holding two objects in his hands and mumbling at the sunset! Everything can be explained by the fact that he’s looking at the modern world through the eyes of a caveman!

He does seem to have mastered the art of trading money for goods, though. I spotted him with a bag from a store walking back to his house yesterday. Welcome to our world, Mr. Jesus. Welcome, sir.

Well, hello all! Miss Critiki here, joining the illustrious crew down here at Portable Chicken HQ to help hold things down on the blog front. I have several prestigious qualifications, including, but not limited to, the ability to occasionally finish a Sunday New York Times crossword, an appreciation for hockey and breakfast, and a habit of turning super Type A when it comes to travel plans.

Keep an eye right here for more updates, coming soon!


^^Boat drinks and beef satay…a preview of the goodies to come!

Did somebody take an old Oasis album and squeeze the delicious juices out of it, render it into a beautiful new smoothie? Yes, yes they did. This is a sonically rich album that is part of some lovely brit-pop revival. I love brit-pop. This isn’t an homage inasmuch as it is taking the formula that made Manchester smile so hard. DMA’s then take said formula and begin hammering it with a level of precision and fidelity to the genre that makes me believe this is a long-lost album from an era that died off a little too quickly for me. There are only 6 tracks on this album (at least that’s what Spotify tells me) but I want more. I squeed at the Japandroids album because it was fun and lively, this is much much better. The vocals remind me at times of Kurt Vile’s particular delivery. Get this album. Get it on vinyl if it’s available? Is it available?

Five Squees. *****

“And I can’t be certain that they’re pulling the curtain on me, and if tomorrow’s a burden then I’m still learning to be.”