The Man, the Myth, the Legend

TJesusworeaponchohere is a man in my neighborhood, with wild, grizzly hair and a beard that follows suit. When I spotted him wandering around in a yellow rain slicker, talking to himself one day several years ago, I dubbed him Poncho Jesus.

His mythos has grown over the years; quiet conversations with friends, coworkers, and other neighbors, all spreading the word of Poncho Jesus, sharing stories about the oddities we’d observed. I feel like I have a unique opportunity to watch him, since I work and live in the immediate area.

At first, I thought he must be crazypants. After all, he seems to mostly wander around talking to himself, never bestowing a nod or wave, never making eye contact at all.

However, the latest theory surrounding Poncho Jesus’ history is that Poncho Jesus is a mistaken time traveler from the distant past.

The incident that made us change our tack regarding the Poncho Jesus Story was when a coworker spotted him in his yard playing with a tennis ball. The coworker, I’ll call him M, is new, and isn’t familiar with all of the things we’ve seen PJ do. When he came back to the shop, he says to us, “Hey! I think I just saw that weird guy you guys talk about. He was playing with a ball in his front yard, and seemed pretty fascinated by it!”

Well, now it all makes sense!

All of the times we’ve seen him wandering around with a big stick, stopping along the street to yell at rocks or ant hills, giving the side eye to passing cars! All of the times when he took his snow shovel over to a random patch of useless sidewalk to shovel snow! The strange ritual he performed in the cul-de-sac, “dancing” around while holding two objects in his hands and mumbling at the sunset! Everything can be explained by the fact that he’s looking at the modern world through the eyes of a caveman!

He does seem to have mastered the art of trading money for goods, though. I spotted him with a bag from a store walking back to his house yesterday. Welcome to our world, Mr. Jesus. Welcome, sir.

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