Or maybe its episode 3. Don’t tell the boss!

This episode of Check Your Stitches finds Jenny and I drowning our sorrows re: the end of the Avs season in blueberry Stoli and beer recording at our favorite hockey watering hole, Sobo 151. Guest appearances by our patron podcaster, Alex, and our charming bartender, Oko, saying hello to #23, the also beloved Milan Hejduk!

P.S. Shout out to Intermission Mike! Our intermission recordings WILL be featured now that I think I have figured out how to make the sound not so insanely, earsplittingly loud! Stay tuned!

In this podcast episode of Check Your Stitches, Jenny helps me detangle the yarn equivalent of the Noro Virus, the Avs do some amazing things vs. the Winnipeg Jets, the inaugural Hustle Bustle Award is…umm…awarded, and we drink Colorado beverages like wine and beer and talk about them a bit. Hockey! Jenny and I are joined by Garrison somewhere near the third period! Learn the secret of the Pepsi Center’s oddest lost & found item!

Thanks for listening!


Check Your Stitches Episode One: Everything’s Coming Up Bow Ties!

Ladies and gents; after two years of idle chitchat and overall laziness, we’ve finally done it. We had a microphone present to record ourselves for posterity! I promise, as time goes on, I’ll get better at editing, but really, as a wise podcaster once said to me, “Perfection is for pussies. Just get your stuff out there.”

Perhaps I paraphrased a bit.

I hope you enjoy the inaugural episode! Thanks for listening!

If you’ve been following along, you may remember a previous post about my favorite neighborhood character, Poncho Jesus. In that post, it was noted that he may very well be a time traveler from the very distant past.

A new theory has been presented regarding the vague history of our dear friend PJ, and that theory suggests that it is possible that he may actually be Rasputin. Rasputin was mentioned on a particular episode of the always educational Ancient Aliens, and they went into the topic of his murder in 1916. He was apparently extremely hard to kill, living through cyanide poisoning, gunshot wounds, a severe beating, and only died of hypothermia or drowning (depending on the source) after being tied up and tossed into an icy river. It has even been said that when his body was found, it appeared that he had tried to undo the bindings on his wrists.

The new theory involves either a little bit of mysticism or a little bit of time travel, but WHAT IF the body they pulled from the river was just a clever body double, and due to his mystic powers, Rasputin has survived all these years, and is now alive and well living in Englewood, CO? What if he doesn’t speak to people because his Russian accent will give him away, and he’s afraid that the ghosts of Russia past will be back to haunt him? I can definitely see a resemblance between Rasputin and Poncho Jesus. They both have crazy, burly beards, both partake of a little bit of ritual (Rasputin was known as The Mad Monk, after all,) and both are known to enjoy hitting the bottle.

After doing some research, I will have to conclude that The Rasputin Theory is plausible.

Stay with me, Portable Chickenites, for someday we shall discover the truth about Poncho Jesus.

Care Bear BlankResizeIf you add garlic stuffed olives, Moscow mules, gummy bears, and a No Pants Party together, you might end up deciding it would be hilarious to put a passive aggressive note up on your apartment complex’s bulletin board. You might also have to wrestle it back from your roomie who thinks it is a bad idea. But you are a rebel, so it might have happened anyway. Like so:

And if the other people who live in your complex are also possibly drunk, they might just choose to reply to your note, like so:

Thanks, Alex, for standing up for the rights of meat helmets and picnickers everywhere 🙂 And for sending me your neighbor’s reply!

Posted on August 3, 2015 by

There is no better time to go to thrift store than after a few cocktails. You might end up purchasing such wonders as a hairdresser practice head, an alligator that grows in water,  or works of art to improve upon and trade later! Alex seems pleased to be the recipient of Mrs. Garrett in the Woods with Passive Aggressive Bear and a Ghost Dildo.

TJesusworeaponchohere is a man in my neighborhood, with wild, grizzly hair and a beard that follows suit. When I spotted him wandering around in a yellow rain slicker, talking to himself one day several years ago, I dubbed him Poncho Jesus.

His mythos has grown over the years; quiet conversations with friends, coworkers, and other neighbors, all spreading the word of Poncho Jesus, sharing stories about the oddities we’d observed. I feel like I have a unique opportunity to watch him, since I work and live in the immediate area.

At first, I thought he must be crazypants. After all, he seems to mostly wander around talking to himself, never bestowing a nod or wave, never making eye contact at all.

However, the latest theory surrounding Poncho Jesus’ history is that Poncho Jesus is a mistaken time traveler from the distant past.

The incident that made us change our tack regarding the Poncho Jesus Story was when a coworker spotted him in his yard playing with a tennis ball. The coworker, I’ll call him M, is new, and isn’t familiar with all of the things we’ve seen PJ do. When he came back to the shop, he says to us, “Hey! I think I just saw that weird guy you guys talk about. He was playing with a ball in his front yard, and seemed pretty fascinated by it!”

Well, now it all makes sense!

All of the times we’ve seen him wandering around with a big stick, stopping along the street to yell at rocks or ant hills, giving the side eye to passing cars! All of the times when he took his snow shovel over to a random patch of useless sidewalk to shovel snow! The strange ritual he performed in the cul-de-sac, “dancing” around while holding two objects in his hands and mumbling at the sunset! Everything can be explained by the fact that he’s looking at the modern world through the eyes of a caveman!

He does seem to have mastered the art of trading money for goods, though. I spotted him with a bag from a store walking back to his house yesterday. Welcome to our world, Mr. Jesus. Welcome, sir.

Well, hello all! Miss Critiki here, joining the illustrious crew down here at Portable Chicken HQ to help hold things down on the blog front. I have several prestigious qualifications, including, but not limited to, the ability to occasionally finish a Sunday New York Times crossword, an appreciation for hockey and breakfast, and a habit of turning super Type A when it comes to travel plans.

Keep an eye right here for more updates, coming soon!


^^Boat drinks and beef satay…a preview of the goodies to come!